Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
