Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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