Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
