First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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