is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
