I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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