My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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