party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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