i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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