So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
