i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
