he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
