Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
