She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
