At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
