Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
