I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
