Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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