lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
