So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
