Pappa wants mamma naked
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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