hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
