Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
