why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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