But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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