TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
