I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
this boner is exhausting
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
