I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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