I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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