I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
