if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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