You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
