he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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