What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
