Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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