he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
