tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
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