Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
