There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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