i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
