ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
