We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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