I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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