i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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