i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
barbara walters just said penis...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
