see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you didnt know i had herpes?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
