i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
