you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
