If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Houston, we have a blender
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
