No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
