WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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